Legion: Take a Chill Pill, God!
Contains spoilers!
I have a question for you, dear reader. Have you ever seen the classic James Cameron film The Terminator (1984)? Do you remember its plot? Kyle Reese (Michael Beihn) is sent back in time to save Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) from the evil Terminator (Arnold Schwartzeneger). Sarah is to give birth to humanity’s savior in the forthcoming apocalyptic war against Skynet, an evil artificial intelligence. My best guess is that director Scott Stewart saw The Terminator and said to himself, “Hey, I want to do that…but let’s make it awful!” Thus, we have Legion, released in 2010, except, wait for it, God (yes, the all-powerful God of the Good Book) is Skynet.
In this disaster of a flick, God determines that humanity—after being…humanity—is beyond saving and must be destroyed. In direct violation of God’s order, the archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) goes to Earth to help humanity fight off its assigned doom. Michael ends up at a diner populated by several unlikable people: owner Bob (Dennis Quaid), Bob’s son Jeep (played by Lucas Black and so named as it seemed Chevrolet didn’t want to be associated with this movie) cook Percy (Charles S Dutton), husband and wife Howard and Sarah (Jon Tenney and Kate Walsh), their daughter Audrey (Willa Holland), and single father Charlie (Tyrese Gibson). The most important of these is pregnant waitress Charlie (Adrianne Palicki), who is to give birth to the child that will serve as humanity’s leader. How will the child do this, you may ask? I certainly did, but we’re not given an answer.
Throughout the movie, our band of characters face off against people that are possessed by angels, and it’s astoundingly stupid that ordinary machine guns and similar weapons can kill angels. Divine power doesn’t seem to be all it’s cracked up to be.
During the climax of the film, Michael reveals the whole event was a test God designed for the angels. God was tired of the angels blindly following his orders, so he ordered them to destroy humanity. Michael rebelled against this order, thus pleasing God. What’s strange about this order is that, earlier in the film, we hear on the news how possessed people are killing others and that the death toll is in thousands. What would’ve happened if no other angel had said, “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”? It seems strange to me that God would allow humanity to be wiped out instead of, I don’t know, having a simple conversation with the angels about his expectations. I suspect Scott, if posed with this question, would’ve answered, “I don’t know. The Lord works in mysterious ways,” which seems to translate, “I didn’t think of that.”
The only scene that stands out is a scene with possessed elderly Gladys (Jeannette Miller), who travels to the diner. Gladys quickly turns hostile and fights our ‘heroes’ before being killed. It’s clear that Miller was having a ball shooting the scene.
I had a strong suspicion at the beginning this movie that I wasn’t going to be a fan by the end, and I was proven right. None of the characters are likeable, and God is a twisted dude. Strike me down for blasphemy; I’ll wait. Until then, this is a movie that should ultimately be avoided like the apocalypse.
Cast
Paul Bettany as Michael
Lucas Black as Jeep
Dennis Quaid as Bob
Tyrese Gibson as Charlie
Jon Tenney as Howard
Kate Walsh as Sarah
Willa Holland as Audrey
Jeannette Miller as Gladys
